Poems/Songs I’ve Written So Far In 2016

  1. Six   

Time!

This time is flying by over cities and skylines,

In a straight line; the sun ages and goes into the clouds door; rescinds and is no longer alive,

After a while you lose the light, time flies by and then attacks you in a drive by,

Blood in the cement in a peculiar shape; your life is abstract art; 80 years of colliding time and space,

With emotions forming the margins in between; circumstance often defines your beauty,

But time eventually gives up on you; your image is just melted into a crack in the cement,

And generations and generations only hope that time treats them better in the heavens.

 

But time…..

After time…..

I’m amazed by you and only you….

And time…..

Will never fly past me…..

As long as I’m in the stars with you.

 

Time!

Traveled inside of me,

A lethal injection of nostalgia and mercury,

I saw and felt all of human history,

A combination of crosses, maps, and misery,

Interchangeable parts interchanging themselves,

The arrow sues the bomb and claims identity theft,

There was a pain deep inside of me,

A bunch of voids filling me,

Like I was on top of a mountain build of straw,

I had everything I wanted yet nothing at all…..

 

And time kept going by,

In circles shaped and disguised as straight lines,

More of a photograph than an actual human being,

Like a seed being thrown from the eye of a harvest to an eye of a storm,

Flying over the ocean,

I saw the world,

But I couldn’t grow in it alone.

 

But time….

After time…

I’m amazed by you and only you….

And time….

After time…..

After time I want to be with you and only you.

 

Then time froze and an everlasting moment began,

The trees sang when I first met you and you decided to take my hand,

Reciting astrologies I could never pronounce or understand,

I saw an eternity in your eyes and my new life began….

 

A baptism in your kiss,

Reborn into a permanent bliss,

Even when I’m resigned to my blues,

I can plant a new harvest when I’m with you.

 

My life has turned into,

A list of memories I will eventually create with you,

This time is no longer passing me by,

Because you are the world’s pilot,

Generous and beautiful enough to offer me a first class flight….

 

In your eyes….

 

And time….

After time…

I’m amazed by you and only you….

And time….

After time….

I dream of all the time I will eventually get to spend with you.

 

In your eyes….

There’s everything beautiful about humanity,

There’s waves of pure water crashing into castles of sand,

There’s an eraser for all the misconceptions of man,

There’s a light that fills every inch of a tunnel and not just the ends,

There’s a romance that is only filled with new beginnings,

There’s skyscrapers that are not considered as valuable as humans that will eventually inhabit the sky,

There’s a billion of liars that have forgotten how to lie,

There’s a moon covered with water and ridden of flags,

In your eyes….

There’s a utopia… A promiseland…

 

And I get to go there almost every night,

Like we are hiding from an apocalypse, we are covered in the covers so tight,

And maybe we will transcend… Again and again,

Because one day your beautiful eyes will cause gravity to your will bend,

And we will be up in the sky… Up with the sun,

Flying with the winds of time,

Instead of letting time pass us by.

 

But time….

After time….

I’m flying with you and only you….

And time….

After time…

All the time I’m amazed by you and only you.

 

2. 7-12-15 (Pt 1) 

My heart is on my sleeve,
My heartbeat goes down my arms,
Trickles down to my hands,
Throw my heart in the ocean,
Hope my heart is replaced with sand.
My heart is on my sleeve,
It trickles down the streams,
If it ends up on your hands,
Would you please return it to me?
I just….
Don’t want to feel this way forever,
I just….
Don’t want to feel for you forever.
As time goes on…..
I hope time forgets about me,
Or the winds of time blow me,
To a place where my time means something……
I just….
Don’t want to feel this way forever,
I just…
Don’t want to feel for you forever.
Going out tonight…..
With a girl who is a goddess,
If she finds my heart on my sleeve,
Will she pick it up and return it to me?
Or will she kick it to the ground and leave it buried?
With my heart on my sleeve…..
(I can’t forget about you,
I will never forget about you,
I don’t want to feel this way forever,
I don’t want to feel for you forever,
I don’t want to feel for you forever)
WIth my heart on my sleeve
3.  7-12-15 (Pt 2) 

Skinned alive but at least I have skin,
Your eyes are seasons and your hair is the wind,

Your words are little ropes tying up my loose ends,

Your smile gives the stars sunlight,

This day will never end.

 

Is your hurt camouflaged by curiosity?
Is your anger a side affect of your generosity?
Have you ever been loved the way you should be?

Take my hand and let’s talk more under that little tree

 

Blending in but at least I can blend,

Your sentences are sonnets… too much for conversation,

Your hand reaches my hand as the night ends,

The fire inside of me asks: “Can we do it again?”

 

Can we do it again?

 

 

And if not I promise its okay….

But before you kiss me and turn away….

Do you usually turn away from what God sets in front of you?

Do you prefer punishment over virtue?

Have you ever been loved the way you should be?

Oh you’ve never been loved the way you should be,

So take my hand and we’ll go talk under the little tree,

Yeah take my hand and don’t let go please.

 

I’m not letting go unless you make me,

I’m not letting go unless you make me….

 

(Skinned alive but at least I have skin,

Your eyes are seasons and your hair is the wind,

Your words are little ropes tying up my loose ends,

Your smile gives the stars sunlight…

Make sure this night never ends,

I hope our night never ends,

Yeah… I hope our night never ends)

4.  Sea 

Muhammad sits on top of the largest mountainside with a mountain of guilt penetrating his insides,

He heard his God’s voice for the first time; more plague than voice, misplaced his bones and tickled his spine,

Parts of him scattered in the earth, parts drowning in the sea,

Every remnant of himself remaining is a painting,

A portrait of confused doubt and disbelief……

 

But here comes that voice again,

It’s just a white noise out of the mouth of the darkest clouds,

Sounds of shaking manna dropping from the heavens,

He can’t tell if this is bliss or if this is hell:
“The flowers are withering, but flowers still somehow exist,

Man is stumbling, but he still his feet that are slave to his conscience,

The map leads me to nowhere, but maybe that’s just because I’m directionless,

This plague is killing all of us, but why does an us even get to exist?”

You see….
That from the top of that mountain,

To the bottom of that bottomless sea,

God, I see you in everything,

Yet I see you in absolutely nothing.

 

Hannah lays on her bed like a deity laid out on a crucifix,

Kisses her lover until her lips go numb; only forms language with his teeth between her tongue,

Sounds like an organ when their organs meet in the middle of that Oregon heat,

Collapsing into the dirt with her tied into him,

He’s becoming part of her fabric,

He’s inhabiting her brain,

He’s part of her skin,

He’s everything,

 

But vows are broken almost as soon as they are spoken,

She caught him shoveling himself in the dirt with another little piece of grass,

Now she’s burying him like a worthless artifact,

Presses into the fabric of another lovers skin,

But she still has parts of him inside her mind,

An absentee roommate, an invisible cell she is locked in from time to time,

He’s still in the fabric of her skin,

He’s still there all the time….
And she screams….

From the top of the mountain,

From the bottom of the sea,

Micheal… I still feel you everywhere,

Yet I see you in nothing.

 

Eleanor still holds onto her lover’s hand like a missing puzzle piece,

Yet the hand is invisible, it still controls everything,

He’s in a bunker somewhere in some foreign land,

Drowning in the oil of the corporate war,

She puts the oil in her brain,

Imaging him alive is the engine that moves her away from her pain…..

 

And she says…..

I’ve climbed to the top of the mountain,

I’ve swam to the bottom of the sea,

It’s amazing how you were here in everything,

And you aren’t even living.

 

Everything is nothing,

Everything is a state of mind,

You can go to the top of the mountain,

Be in the bottom of the sea at the same time,

Drown in the coral reef,

Or exhalt yourself amongst the God,

It’s just a matter of your thoughts….

Because no one ever really leaves,

And no one was really ever there,

It’s just your mind,

Preparing yourself to feel alive and aware.

5. Make Love To You 

Me and you… Under that half moon,

And you say: “I don’t like the way I think……

and I don’t like the way I feel”….

So I know just what to do,

I’ll make love to you,

Like you always wanted me to,

Like I’m supposed to do,

I’ll make love to you……

 

(Have you ever felt anything like this?
There’s no disguise for your bliss,

Moans as sharp as glass and so loud they break glass,

Love so passionate you feel every lover in your past,

And forget them too,

So come here and I’ll make love to you…..)

 

Under a cut down tree….

Bare and bodies covered with the thinnest of leaves,

Naked as we came….

Barren fruits trapped yet running free,

How can you be trapped if you are unaware of your trappings?

Mouth attached to your breast…..

We stand as still as a portrait,

A portrait that is locked away from time to time,

Yeah we are prisoners of this moment,

Yet it is a moment that transcends time,

Prisoners…..

Handcuffs in our kisses….

Locked into the four walls of your body,

Your sweat quenches my thirst,

And like drunken ants we just roll around in the filth,

Worship the dirt like it stores crucifixes,

Did you ever think you would feel anything like this?

 

It’s you and me…..

Under those forbidden leaves,

And you scream:

“I don’t like the way I think….

And I don’t like the way I feel …”

So… Baby… I know just what to do,

I make love to you,

Like you’ve always wanted me to……

 

(Did you ever think you would feel anything like this?

Your smile is forming its own language,

I read between the lines and then I cross them and snort them at the same time,

Seep under every inch of your skin and have every inch of my skin submerge inside of you,

You have all of me enslaved to you,

And I’ll scream the word enslaved just to get a laugh from you,

All you will think about all day is how I could do this to you all day,

Take an extended lunch break,

I promise I will have you back to work by daybreak,

So swallow your pride and then swallow what is my pride,

You and I will be one tonight,

Don’t disguise your bliss,

You never thought you would feel anything like this)

 

There’s some thoughts I cannot shake out of my open mind,

Thoughts of what I would do if you weren’t mine…..

Because I feel like all of human history has been in search of this joy,

The gold in your smiles enriches me and covers all my voids…..

 

Yeah….

When they created the wheel they ran themselves over,

When they created the chip they put it on their shoulders,

When they created fire they burnt themselves down to the brittle bone……

But when they arranged those burnt bones and those fragments of skin……

They created the only thing that is flawless about this civilization,

A goddess in a crown of myrrh and perfume,

The epicenter of all maps and the murderer of all compasses,

You are all creation and all location in a steady stream of consciousness,

And when I’m inside of you I feel all of the world,

And I feel like all of the world’s mistakes have been rectified,

Because this bliss belongs to me,

Forever it will be mine…….

 

The half moon comes down to our ground….

It says:

“I’m never going back,

Because I’ve finally seen heaven….”

A utopia in every kiss,

Anytime I’m inside of you,

I’m born again.

 

You and me,

Above the sky and trees…..

I’ve never felt anything like this,

I’ve never felt anyone like this,

I’ve never felt the way I do,

When I make love to you.

 

You’ve never felt anything like this.

6.  Everything 

Sitting back and I don’t know where to begin,

Every star is clothed with a piece of your skin,

Every cloud is a portrait of your beautiful face,

Every shadow a memory of our last embrace,

I’m sitting and I don’t know where to begin,

Because I see you in everything,

Yeah…

Because I see you in everything.

 

Sitting back and looking forward at the same time,

Your tongue is like a camera,

Reciting photographic memories from my mind,

Eyes covered in water look like two stones in a sea,

Stones that are drowning in the currents,

Yet moving with the waves,

They are seeing everything,

Yeah you are seeing everything.

 

In you I’m seeing my everything,

Yeah…

In you I’m seeing everything……

 

Sitting back and looking forward at the same time,

Your tongue is like a camera,

Reciting photographic memories from my mind,

Eyes covered in water look like two stones in a sea,

Stones that are drowning in the currents,

Yet moving with the waves,

They are seeing everything,

Yeah you are seeing everything.

 

 

In you I see everything.

 

Yeah you are my everything.

7.  Repeat 

History pulled me to the side and told me,

With a whispered clarity,

“I’m so sick of shouting,

I’m so sick of repeating!”

He said,

“My record will no longer spin!”

And before he cut out his tongue, he exclaimed,

“All of history has been really just letting you off with a warning!”

No more warnings….

 

All of this has spiraled out of control,

All of this has spiraled out of control,

Five officers bodies and five black bodies on the living room floor,

All of this has spiraled out of control.

 

Capitalism and idealism at an impasse,

Idealism can’t walk the path to meet Capitalism; the path is covered in glass,

This is history spinning in a circle, standing up, and then falling off a cliff,

This is the weight of the world breaking its own scales,

This is your privatized hell,

You should have listened to history when it repeated itself.

 

All of this has spiraled out of control.

 

Is there any light left?

 

Is there any light left at the end of this tunnel?

Or have they gone off and sold it for cheap?

Is there any light at the end of this tunnel?

Or have they replaced it with everything bleak,

Yeah, that most bleak of free trade,

Free trade for only the rich and the slaves,

You should have listened to history when it repeated itself.

 

All of this has spiraled out of control

(Bodies described as statistics bleeding on the bedroom floor,

Invented races to serve invented classes,

Pre-disposed to only thinking of our ashes,

Whatever the markets want is God,

Even when those markets wanted a dead God,

Individualism at any cost,

Even if the cost is your holocaust,

Six months for rapists,

Twenty for doing therapeutic drugs,

No regulations on anything but who you love,

We should have listened to history when it repeated itself,

Yeah, 10,000 times for 10,000 years,

Globalization the new trail of tears,

Now it is all gone,

It is all gone).

 

You should have listened to history when it repeated itself.

8.  I’ve Seen It All 

Do you ever sit back and cry?

Sometimes I do,

I guess the answer depends on your life,

What you’ve seen and what you’ve been through.

 

But I’ve seen it all,

I’ve seen mountains crumble and knock down the trees,

Yeah I’ve seen it all,

Even when none of it has seen me.

 

I’ve seen it all.

 

Do your thoughts ever turn to the end,

Sometimes mine do,

I guess the answer depends on if you’ve seen the end,

If you’ve shook hands with death,

If death has opened its doors for you.

 

But I’ve seen it all,

I’ve seen heaven and hell shake hands,

I’ve seen death and life on the same streets,

I’ve seen darkness in the middle of the summer heat,

Yeah I’ve seen it all,

But I still know I haven’t seen a thing.

 

I’ve seen it all….

 

Do you ever resort to hate?

Sometimes I do,

But I won’t apologize,

For the things I’ve seen and the things I’ve been through,

I’ve seen it all.

 

I haven’t seen a thing.

 

All I want to see is you.

9. Thinking About You 

In the middle of a dog day,

I’ve got no dogs left in the fight,

Thinking about the way things change,

But I’m still a thing that has stayed the same….

 

But then I’m thinking about you……
I’m thinking about you,

I’m thinking about you,

All the sudden it is so clear,

You’re everything to me.

 

In the middle of a dog day,

I’ve got no dogs left in the fight,

Thinking about the way things change,

But I’m still a thing that has stayed the same….

 

But then I’m thinking about you……

 

I’m thinking about you,

I’m thinking about you,

All the sudden it is so clear,

You’re everything to me.

10. Red Ventures 

Who did you sell today?

 

And I’m sorry I’ve been on edge,

But I feel like all these edges are surrounding me,

I can’t center myself….

I might as well be falling……

And if I fall into the ground; like rain from the sky,

At least I will see that there is a road ahead,

At least I will know I’m still alive.

 

Who did you sell today?

 

You talk about this building,

Like it is made of emotion and feeling,

While I’m as replaceable as can be,

Who did I sell….

Well I really just sold me.

 

And I’m sorry I’ve been on edge,

But I feel like all these edges are surrounding me,

I can’t center myself….

I might as well be falling……

And if I fall into the ground; like rain from the sky,

At least I will see that there is a road ahead,

At least I will know I’m still alive.

 

Lies in lipstick; the most clever disguise,

You all promised the world to me; then took my world hostage in the middle of the night,

Turned it upside down; the sun no longer revolves around the moon; the moon revolves around you,

The sun is just something you pretend to sell, lock it in a cell; and only let it out when it fits your scales,

Oh a Sunday Ticket to oblivion, swimming through black holes you say are made of holy water,

If you were actually human  I would kill you,

But right now I’m drowning.

 

On top of a tower of quicksand I cannot breathe,

I’m on the edge of life and death; but the worst thing is I can’t think,

They’ve exchanged my brains and my veins and now I believe I am the one to blame,

A reversal of my normal world, a pitch dark picture frame, legs lame,

Only one refrain echoes repeatedly on my brain,

“Who did you sell today?”

 

Baby I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap……

But I had to see if I could still move my fingers and mouth…..

 

And I’m sorry I’ve been on edge,

But I feel like all these edges are surrounding me,

I can’t center myself….

I might as well be falling……

And if I fall into the ground; like rain from the sky,

At least I will see that there is a road ahead,

At least I will know I’m still alive.

 

Because now all the roads have turned into static and wire,

Exits have been given chloroform and have dissolved like fickle matter,

So I’m stuck on a road that goes on for infinity,

A straight figure 8,

My only escape is their profit,

My only escape is never really escaping.

 

My mind is gone and beaten like my liver, dissolved in the ground didn’t make a sound or a quiver,

But strangely thoughts from my past flood my mind… I can soundly remember,

The sweet fantasies of not constantly begging on my knees, of not living in a twisted fantasy,

I’m untying the knots…. I’m jumping back into reality,

My legs buckle from under me (my legs finally have feeling!)

My head is cracking open (it had been sewn shut with their propaganda and imagery!)

My eyes are closing (Am I dying?)

My pulse is slowing (I’m gone!  I’m dead!)

(I didn’t sell enough today)

 

Suddenly…..

A train whistles the same tune as the whistling wind,

Four leaf clovers swallow seeds, grow hands, and tickle my skin,

Flowers lay in their bed and beckon me under their covers,

I feel the wet kiss of my lover next to me,

The road ahead has become clear to me,

It’s filled with exits and no edges,

I’m back to being in reality.

 

I’m back to being me,

I’ve made a simple discovery, baby,

There’s more than life than what’s in a building,

Because I searched for its smile and it didn’t exist,

I searched for its tears and it asked me: “how the hell does that help us profit?”

I searched for its color and all I found was black,

I put my hand up to its neck and there was no pulse,

So how can that hold me hostage, a non-living thing?

I guess I was held hostage because I turned into a non-living thing,

I was an edge without any legs; without a pulse,

Just a soul to absolve all the bullshit,

And a will to fold,

But now I’m back, how did my brain become as washed as a stained shirt?

I’m back….

Out from the skyscraper,

Back to actual earth.

 

And I’m sorry I was on edge,

But falling helped me discover the road ahead.

 

11.  Verigent 

I wake up every morning…. drowning knee deep in my own sheep skin,

Eyes rolled over into the back of my head, from a sleepless night counting the sheep I’ve slaughtered again and again,

Bags under my eyes, guess I’ll claim them as carry on baggage for my flight to where…

I will shed skin and hope my dangling bones form jagged wings,

That stab the clouds until they bow to me, I’m living a dream, a damn deity,

But in reality I wake up in a house I didn’t even build and all I can do is stare at the skin of sheep,

I haven’t moved,

Yet I feel jet lagged,

I haven’t even open my eyes,

Yet I feel the need to sleep.

 

There’s so much water under the bridges of my eyes,

Moves like a train down my face and leaves my tongue hostage and tied,

My hands move down my desk where I called you for the first time,

My throat has been slit, I’m just a fossil sentenced to the purgatory of the cement,

Yet all they can possibly say to me……

We know you are dying,

But please don’t make a scene…..

We know you are dying,

But please some people are working.

 

My mind is closed; hasn’t been operational for weeks,

Like a small business that caught the eye of a big business and was bought for cheap,

There’s thoughts inside me, but they feel contrived and scripted by something I can’t see,

But I can’t kill what is invisible,

So I accept my perceived failures with glee,

Claim it all apart of some sort of normalcy.

 

My normal self… Comes back in waves and tries to drown the new me,

But I pollute those waters with bottles made of toxins so quickly,

And all my friends are caught in the wreckage, strangling in the reefs,

All I do is dream is of my eventual sleep.

 

What has become of me?

Why am I not running to the old me?

Am I just scared?

I’m always scared…

But I’m turning into a ghost,

And for some reason that does not frighten me,

But whenever I am an actual human being,

I run for cover underneath the bark of a cut-down tree.

 

So they all throw me to the side, find some four leaf clovers in the four tears under my blue eyes,

Put a needle to my skin and hope black oil comes out of me instead of red blood,

Hope that I don’t stare at the ground below me for clarity, but instead to the sky above,

The sky I used to aspire to be in,

Now I must live as a cut down tree,

Stuck in my mind,

A beautiful flower in disguise as a for profit prison.

 

As they slit my throat again and scalp my skin,

I realize I’ve become the sheep I slaughter at night,

Stuck in this luxurious prison,

Staring at my feet just to remind myself I have feet,

I stare at my shed skin,

I run after it like a war-torn refugee, to a new land I’m beckoned,

I can’t wait to find my skin and begin again.

 

And when I do…

I’ll dream once again of reality,

And we will share the longest kisses under the most stable of trees,

I guess right now it feels like I’m drowning….

In an ocean that is filled with absolutely nothing yet absolutely everything at the same time,

Maybe that is just a side effect of being a human being,

Maybe to not drown you got to fill that ocean with something,

The waters of your own genius and your own humanity,

Waters pure yet poison to those barricaded bars that exist inside your mind,

So when they try to chop you down like a tree… they won’t be able to,

Because they are already dead to you inside your head,

I know that’s the destination I’m headed to…. but it just hasn’t been a red-eye,

It’s taken a detour to this hell,

But I’m climbing up my tree to heaven,

And one day…

You and I,

We will own the sky.

 

We will own the sky.

 

Everything will be fine.

 

13. There For You 

As the sun collapses to sleep at sea,

The waves caress the sun like a mother and offer it sleep,

Nurtures the sun back to life the next morning,

The sea says:

“I will be there for you,

Will you be there for me?”

 

Yeah…..

“I will be there for you,

Will you be there for me?”

Please…..

 

As the wounded snake collapses under a truthful willow tree,

The tree says I should let you die….

I know everything,

But we all knew sin before you introduced it,

But we didn’t know God until you proved it!

So with his roots cannibalizing himself he began to speak….

Said:
“I’ll be there for you,

Will you be there for me?”

 

Yeah….

“I’ll be there for you,

Will you be there for me?”

Please…..

 

Dancing down a rainy street,

All we know we are is a collection of bones and feet,

The first time you said you loved me…

It sent shivers down my spine,

But it didn’t make me feel cold inside,

So I’ll be there for you,

If you are there for me.

 

Yeah…

I’ll be there for you,

If you are there for me.

 

14. Why Are We Still Here? 

Why are we still here?
We laid back and wondered why,
Every compass still points us to the sky,
Why ever road is somehow a stairway,
Why every home is somehow a beltway,
To bigger and better things,
Beyond earth’s understanding.
Why are we still here?
We were not meant for this place,
God clipped our wings,
But we still dream of flying into space,
When you look at me do you feel something beyond this?
When I touch you…. Can words still describe your bliss?
Why are we still here?
There’s something that is calling us from the beyond,
I can feel it wrap its arms around us and we are gone,
Off to heaven we will go,
Singing with the angels row by row,
The pearly gates can’t contain you and I,
Oh we are not here anymore….
But we are finally alive.
15. Hold 

Things change over time, we must all admit,

Landscapes die, economies are revived, new kinds of suffering,

People change over time, I must admit,

Priorities change, values are deranged, new kinds of interactions,

But I meet the same people everywhere I go,

Just different stories,

They walk the same beaten path just in different snow.

 

Just hold on to everything,

Just hold on to anything.

 

I’ve been down these roads before,

I know their melodies, I know their score,

I’ve been down these roads before,

In fact, I feel like these roads have traveled inside of me,

My heartbeat is the soundtrack of my soul; all my histories,

In the background, I hear everyone in meet singing along with me,

Different languages, but the same tune,

A deadly million-car pile up of lust, deceit, and our perfumes.

 

Just hold on to everything,

Just hold on to me.

 

People evolve over time with history,

New plagues and new technologies,

Todays phone was yesterdays sandscript,

Todays bomb was yesterdays quicksand,

But todays plans were yesterdays plans,

And todays bliss was yesterdays bliss,

Its the point where the roads of our histories meet a dead end,

Where the past, future, and the present shake hands,

It’s the invisible utopia we don’t see,

Just hold on to everything,

Just hold on to me…

 

Just hold on to everything,

Just hold on to me.

 

The road repeats yet it is new,

Trapped yet free too,

Just hold on to me,

Just hold on to me.

 

16. Hummingbird 

Is the world just a cage, my sweet hummingbird?
Say you can fly anywhere, they make sure you can only lurch for the dirt,

Is the world just a song that no one hears, my sweet hummingbird?

The sun pulls the strings of the trees,

The cut up trees sink like quicksand and play drums on the dirt beneath,

Their bloody bark like drunken eyes stare darts at you,

Oh my hummingbird……

You are at one with nature,

Nature is in the ground with you.

 

Is the truth relative or just a distraction, my little hummingbird?

All these birds have different colors and different skins,

But they beg and pray those that take them as prey for another day,

Beaks all buried in the same sand,

Waves of progress tickle your seashell ears,

They sound like an eulogy,

(Drown in them)

The truth is now universal,

The foxes are here.

 

Oh hummingbird….. Don’t wonder what else you can be,

Everyone is in chains… But their truth is they are free,

In your cage,

The blue sky is just a painted barricade,

Locked inside,

Paradise is just your imagination.

 

The foxes are coming again,

Can’t we break out of this caged prison?

Beg for our last meals,

Maybe if we die we can finally feel.

 

Gathering up our young,

Migrating in our cages,

Hummingbird,

Your freedom is in your death,

You’ll fly into heaven,

Once you drown in your trail of tears.

 

The foxes are here……

 

17. Hannah 

Oh Hannah….. do you remember when we would sit and wobble like drunken stools?

Beneath the moonlight and adjacent to the neighborhood pool,

We swam inside our own heads and took all of our thoughts captive,

Held them for ransom to those around us… they were our secrets and codes,

Each one of them as beautiful as a centerfold, but fully-clothed, they would never be exposed,

Oh Hannah… I remember it so clearly my mind takes photographs of it and it becomes thoughts that travel to my teeth,

Memories of our time together are the only thing of which I can speak.

 

Oh Hannah… do you remember when we saw time and space shake hands?

Underneath the bridge beneath the Chesapeake, we talked in cliches so tongue in cheek, then you reached your tongue into my cheek,

No more smoke screens between you and me,  the smoke we blew was our new home, it formed new windowed screens,

I felt so pure and free, you ripped off my clothes because it was the next logical thing,

Everything that had ever been had added up to this,

Teenage bliss…..

In our own invisible castle, it was my first time being a king,

And every night and with every kiss you would breathe into me my most important decrees.

 

Oh Hannah…  then you drifted away…..

Like the sun drifts into hibernation on the coldest of days,

You drifted into scenes instead of making moments with me,

And your life turned into a revolving door of computer screens,

I still went to that bridge every night and waited for you,

Thought of knocking on your door,

But I knew you would come back if that’s what you wanted to do,

Thought of knocking on your door,

But I knew a new world had become open to you.

 

Oh Hannah…. I remember when your Mother called me out of fear,

She said you were dressed in all black, speaking only in tact, losing sight of everything you used to hold dear,

I said you would come back to your senses or I would put your senses back in you,

Your Mom screamed: “I’m not sure if it is really seeing, Blair, if someone is seeing for you,”

So we decided almost simultaneously… that it was best to let you be,

I told her that you would figure it out,

Because you taught me how to figure out almost everything.

 

Oh Hannah… do you remember when I saw you on our first day of high school?

You were coddling yourself in chains, speaking in tongues, I couldn’t tell if you were drunk or deranged,

You dropped your books and binders and stumbled towards them like we used to stumble towards each other in the dark,

I realized then the light had been drained out of your light, you were a sun without color, a fire without a spark,

Then you said something to me about “The Black Parade,”

I tried to kiss you to stop your rambling,

But if I would have actually listened to  you…..

You would have been saved.

 

Oh Hannah… I will never forget the last call I read from you,

You read me something lyrical… said it was called “I’m Not Okay,”

Then said you had something to do in the bathroom,

I assumed it was just a phase and that it would end soon,

Then I woke up to your pale face on the ground in the morning….  a headline on the national news,

Bleeding from the wrist and neck tied in a noose,

They said you were part of an online suicide pact,

That the music from “The Black Parade” had paraded itself inside of you,

I fainted in shock and I woke up in the hospital bed three days later,

Then cried because I didn’t see you.

 

Oh Hannah… Are you looking down on me now?

All I have is regrets that sleep with my regrets and produce an offspring of me being depressed in all new ways,

All I have is flowers to splatter across your grave,

I remember reading your eulogy… stomping on it like a cigarette… and then screaming for God to drop you back in my arms,

But then I thought so clearly… She gave us one more thing that defined normal humanity,

Even in her death,

She gave us a “Black Parade,”

She lived out her dreams through dying.

 

I guess they called it something like a “scene,”

Now I’m 23, but I still think of those days when we were 14,

Memories stuck in my head like those lyrics that you read,

I’m still in love with you, Hannah….

So tonight….

 

I’m taking your grave down beneath the bridge with me,

I’ll tell you all my secrets like I did when we were 14,

I’ll listen to your voice and hymns in the whispering wind,

I’ll put on your favorite records and wait for your ghost to appear again,

I’ll fall asleep and wake up without anything but my mind,

I know that we are still the King and Queen of everything,

Your kingdom is just placed a little higher than mine….

 

And now anytime I see anyone stoned; feeling adjacent or alone,

I sit and tell them about how incredible you were and how you gave me a throne,

And they turn around almost instantly and smile,

My only regret is that I never said to you what I always say to them,

Because maybe you just needed to know how wonderful you were,

Maybe it’s tough to be royalty if you don’t know you have a Kingdom,

Maybe I could given you a ticker-tape parade so bright the sun would have to bring shades,

But now all I have is regrets,

And all you have is a grave.

 

I walk down the streets alone with the darkest of my shadows,

The black parade is now following me,

I’ve grown accustomed to this hole in my heart that could swallow all of humanity,

Because the only person that could fill it is you,

No one in this parade does anything for me.

 

 

Oh Hannah… from above do you ever think of me?

 

18. Ocean 

I only see what I want to see…

Am I actual seeing?

I only hear what I want to hear…..

Am I actually hearing?

I only feel what I want to feel….

Am I actually feeling?

I only go where I want to go….

Am I actually living?

 

We are all waves that only cover centimeters of sand,

We are all sand that only covers inches of land,

We are all land that only stands so far under so little of the setting sun,

Our understanding is really a relative hallucination…

 

And I find myself at war with my senses from time to time,

Because I cut out my eyes and I only see the shore and not the ocean,

I cut off my ears and I only hear the quicksand below me,

I cut off my hands to ensure I never will touch the sky,

My senses call an armistice a brief reprieve,

I know if I opened my mind and let them win I could really see… feel… taste… and hear…

Everything….

 

But I…..

Only see what I want to see…

Am I actual seeing?

I only hear what I want to hear…..

Am I actually hearing?

I only feel what I want to feel….

Am I actually feeling?

I only go where I want to go….

Am I actually living?

 

My heart is a wall that keeps out the people that might want to cross the border and come inside of me,

My heart is an orchestra, but I only give it two broken strings,

My heart is a refugee trapped in a prison cell,

My heart is a heaven trapped inside my relative hell…..

 

How do I open my heart?

When my heart only exists inside of me?

How do I give other people light?

When I go blind if I stare at the sun?

How can I be…

Everything to anyone but me….

 

If I only see what I want to see?
If I only hear what I want to hear?

If I only feel what I want to feel?

If I only go where I want to go?

If my heart is closed up and sewn?

If I’m a dog tied up on a leash?

If I’m a bird buried in tea leaves?

If I’m a God that only operates on rest days?

If my impact will only last until I’m put in a grave?

 

I only feel what I want to feel,

But maybe if they listened to what I felt,

They would stop and feel for people other than themselves,

But the wind is whistling a violent tune,

Sounds like fascism, the kind that puts the innocent in tombs,

And the sun is blinding them, making them short sighted enough to cite their hallucinations that are so grim,

They are at war with themselves and they will be at war with you and I,

Because if we don’t open all of our eyes,

We might just fucking die.

 

Because they only see what they want to see,

They are just like you and me,

They only hear what they want to hear,

Fictions that made that trail full of tears,

They only hold what they want to hold dear,

They only live off fear,

And maybe if they realized that relatively isn’t a gospel written in stone,

Then they would stop throwing their stones,

They would realize they were not alone…

 

Because I’ve realized the first part of being free,

Is realizing that you are the only one realizing what you are realizing,

If you know what you feel is unique to you,

A whole new world becomes open to you,

Reality awakens from its coma and swallows you,

And in turn you turn your stone and you see everything,

Once you realize how small you are,

You are able to overcome your scars,

Yeah once you realize your just a wave,

You realize you are part of an ocean,

From your cradle to your grave….

 

So you only think what you want to think,

Think the most lovely thoughts,

And you only feel what you want to feel,

Feel empathy at all costs,

And you only hear what you want to hear,

Hear all of nature sing this song in harmony,

And when the waves of the world wash over you,

You will suddenly become everything….

 

You will be an ocean…..

Waves of change covering everything.

 

19. Waves 

You only think what you want to think,

You only hear what you want to hear,

If only you could hear what I think about you,

It’s true.

 

You only believe what you want to believe,

You only see what you want to see,

If only you see how much I believe in you,

It’s true.

 

You only feel what you want to feel,

You only go where you want to go,

If only you could go to a place where I could feel you….

 

Beneath the trees,

Beneath the sand,

We will go to our promised land….

 

Because you only think what you want to think,

But I can only think of you,

It’s true.

 

Because I love you……

20.  Senses 

Baby, I know lately you’ve been so sad,

Trust me, I know how easily things can get out of hand,

But whenever every facet of the world is crashing down on you,
Remember the three simple words I first taught you:
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Baby, I know sometimes the world doesn’t make sense,
So focus your senses on me,
And everything you think you are losing you’ll end up gaining,
Inside a love that can do anything- so it must last,
Inside a future that reminds you of every golden facet of your past,
Is this everything you dreamed of?
Is this everything you’ll be?
So let’s turn this life that’s a sad ballad…
Into something that can only result in dancing,
Yeah dance with me.
I know lately you’ve been so sad,
But all we can do is the best we can,
So sit back with me and realize we have,
And if you think you are losing all sense,
Then focus your senses on me.
I love you.
Focus your senses on me,
Focus your senses on me.
Annie…
I know lately you’ve been so sad,
But just sit back and realize everything we have,
And the world will just wash away in front of you,
And you’ll just dream about all the things we are going to do,
And what we could be….
The possibilities are limitless, baby…
And if you ever forget those three words I taught you….
I’m here to say I love you.
21.  Dying Love 

Dying love died inside of the sea,

A steady stream of corpses of memories,

An open-door to the open-floor of the deepest sea,

Flows inside of my heart and drowns me.

 

Dying love died inside of a cut down tree,

Replaced with a better building, a higher model of society,

Roots replaced with roots of distraction and something cheap,

Dying love dies inside of society.

 

Can we ever bring it to life again?

What chemical mixture what mixture of myrrh and frankincense?

What prescription pill and what form of technology?

What war for land or staged calamity?

Dying love like a well that was once filled with oil,

Now is a wishing-well filled with well-wishes of lost souls,

Dying love that no one knows is dead,

Idealism found in 12-gage shotguns,

The path ahead is just a bullet inside the head…

 

Of dying love,

Love as dead as can be,

Crippled by ideologies and concepts created by humanity,

Get your individualism discounted for cheap,

Those that are failures will just whine in their poetry.

 

Dying love….

Killed or be killed in the name of a different love,

Torture or be tortured in the name of a different love,

They don’t know the old love is dead,

Because they never knew that love existed,

So love is a side-effect of hate and insecurity,

Of fear and of materialism and richness and poverty,

And we sit writing obits for our own subconsciousness,

With dying love trapped inside a time machine,

If it came alive they would call it a terrorist,

They waterboard it and kill its family.

 

Dying love is as dead as can be,

But I feel the corpses of its past bubbling and convening inside of me,

Knocking down the door and coming inside of my heart,

Shouting up to my throat, and that’s how this poem got its start,

And if I cut myself open those voices will be free,

But even if those voices will be free,

No one will be listening,

Just a bunch of voices inside a cut-down tree,

Screaming with no one around,

Dying love is alive but is lost,

Never to be found.

 

Dying love is as dead as can be.

 

22. Dogs 

Dogs eat dogs eat dogs eat me……

 

When existence was a clean slate that cleaned itself just to look for life,

Forces of nature forced themselves on the ground and formed particles of dust,

Dust scattered in the wind, suspending gravity and poisoning the pearl-covered pearly gates,

So the dogs jumped out of the cages of heaven and to earth they escaped….

 

Dogs eat dogs eat dogs eat me…..

 

In a fit of helplessness tied to a tree, not knowing which fruit to eat,

These dogs in a fit of confused rage began barking,

In incoherent violent screams; we saw the birth of tribes based on genes,

The dogs noticed their appetites for other dogs,

And in their blood they formed a hierarchy.

 

Dogs eat dogs eat dogs eat me….

 

Tribal dogs don’t bark as well,
Tribal dogs go work that rail,

Tribal dogs put all hands on deck until their hands freeze off,

Tribal dogs are the ones we can eat,

Tribal dogs will pick cats as a crop for cheap,

Tribal dogs aren’t dogs if we say they are commodities,

If there’s a tribal dog who’s intelligent please cut off his teeth,

We will elect a dog named Jerry and his wife Mander will do our populating,

Only dogs with the right tribe can leave a paw print,

We will eat any dog who doesn’t mutter vows of subservient  acceptance.

 

Dogs eat dogs eat dogs eat me…..

 

Temporary roadblocks caused us to go back into the doghouse in the 1930’s,

Some regimes of dogs got too much power… So we put electricity in their teeth,

They will know no power when they can’t breathe,

Just preach how our breed of dogs is better than any other breed,

Then they will never know power or harmony,

Tell them all the other dogs want to do is take their dog houses,

And preach to them that our God Snoopy doesn’t exist; he is but a dog’s imaginary figment,

Tell them just to go out and shop for squeaky toys,

To fill their most squeaky voids,

Meanwhile plan to gorge their bones,

Sell them for cheap for our better homes,

Meanwhile plan to cut off their skulls,

They’ll call it a vacation when their head rolls off into a new doggy land,

They’ll just want to buy new doggy soles.

 

So dogs eat dogs eat dogs eat me,

This is the way everything is supposed to be,

As rabid as rabid can be,

If you aren’t rabid you must be missing something.

 

So then the dogs tore down a wall with their teeth,

1989 was the year I think,

They said this is the new 1492,

We will trade plagues and call them gold… What can you do?

And now instead of using cats to communicate with the world,

The dogs can use their mobile skulls,

So now other dogs are building things to keep these tribal dogs quiet and from the truth,

Meanwhile every dog is getting eaten,

I guess it is tough to see the bite marks when your neck is in a noose….

 

Dogs eat dogs eat dogs eat me,

I’ve been prey my whole life so it is normalcy,

Dogs eat dogs eat dogs eat me,

If everyone was rabid their would be less rabid behavior…

That’s always been our thinking.

 

You think we have eight billion dogs,

But we actually have about six,

They can control everything,

Direct us all like pawns with a bone and a stick,

They are too fat to move, but when they do the world explodes and bends to their will,

And we are scattered like that dust in the wind,

Hoping we have a chance to eat a good healthy meal in the heavens…

 

So dogs eat dogs eat dogs eat me,

Oh God a never-ending food chain, but not even a hierarchy,

Because there’s only six at the top and just their prey below,

And the only way to fix the mess in the earth’s kennel,

Is to throw those dogs more bones,

And somehow that will give us some power and something to eat,

Or is it more like…

Somehow that will silence or barking…..

I’m just a dog with the hope that I can be one of the six,

It’s what we all want we just won’t admit,

To eat on other dogs meat and hope they will give us more dogs to feed on,

The world is a doghouse,

We have always been the chew toys,

The vacant pawns.

 

Dogs eat dogs…..

23. What Do You Think Of Me Now? 

What do you think of me now?

 

Do you ever think about me at all?

 

I do I still think about you,

(That’s not true),

Just calm down…

(I can’t calm down),

There’s no need to be so aggressive….

(How am I not supposed to be aggressive?)

So self-loathing,

(I’m not being self-loathing!)

Blair, you’re tearing everything apart

(I’m not tearing anything apart!)

Just listen to me…..

(I’m listening to you!)

I love you,

And nothing is going to change that!

(Do you really love me?)

(What if I lose my mind?)

Please calm down…..

(I’m calming down,

I’m smelling the roses!

I’m calming down,

Nevermind!)

 

What do you think of me now?

 

I don’t know what to think of you, Blair,

I guess it is hard to think when a million thoughts are in your head,

You are like the back of the book I haven’t read through,

You are everything yet nothing at the same time,

I don’t know what to think of you,

One day is tears the next is the happiest of my life,

Why can’t you center yourself, Blair?

Because we are running out of time,

Because I can’t do this forever…….

Even though I want to do this forever,

Yeah I can’t do this forever,

Even though I want to do this forever,

Just love me like I should be loved,

Just love me like should be loved,

Please….

Just love me like I should be loved.

 

(Yeah I will love you,

And I will listen to you,

And I don’t want our time to run out,

So I will love you,

And I will listen to you)

 

Oh shit…..

 

What do you think of me now?

 

24.   I Need Somebody 

Sitting on the dock of the bay,

Drunk and wasting away,

I spend all my time drinking,

Yet I wonder why time won’t have a drink with me,

But really I’m just a product of time,

Every minute is a piece of glass down my spine,

The glass comes out of my teeth,

End up stepping on that glass and bleeding on the grass beneath,

So I’m bleeding because of my time?

I’m such a sick person,

Is there any escape for me?

I really think I just need somebody,

I really just need somebody,

I really just need a body,

Yeah….

 

I really just need somebody…

Will I ever find somebody?

 

(Am I wasting my time if I look for love down the wrong avenues?
I feel like I’ve used every Atlas and map and I still don’t know where to go to,

Every place I go to is a three-car pile up of lust, lack of sympathy, and lack of virtue,

And I’m a spectator in traffic not knowing what to do,

Every place is an orgy with drinks of 100% proof,

They bleed love and bleed lust but just leave you dizzy and confused,

Will I ever find what I need?

Or will I waste more time on a myth… one that is disproven by psychology?

Does monogamy even exist?

Is love even on my compass?

I don’t know where I’ll end up,

I don’t know where I’ll go,

I just know I need somebody….

For sure)

 

25. Marching 

Marching in the Ides of March,

The road ahead is my beating heart,

Not sure where I’m going to be,

Just know I got to keep on marching,

Marching in the Ides of March,

The road ahead is my broken heart,

Not sure how to avoid those pieces of front of me,

Just know I’ve got to keep on marching,

Marching in the Ides of March,

Will all this marching cure my broken heart?

When I’m marching in the Ides of March,

Yeah marching in those Ides of March…..

 

Or have I been marching to you this whole time?

You are my drumbeat you give sight to the blind,

You are my sunrise when all is dark inside,

Tell me… Have I been marching to you this whole time?

Have I just been blind?

Have I been marching to you this whole time?

Because you are my sunrise,

Have I been marching to you this whole time?

I know I’ve been marching to you this whole time……

 

Marching in those ides of March,

Yeah.. Marching in those ides of March,

Look on the ground for those pieces of my broken heart,

What kind of Atlas will help me find what I use to hold so dearly inside?

I’ve traveled down every road,

Marched down every path,

But it seems like wherever you go in your future,

You can’t escape your past,

So I’m marching with my broken heart,

But did I just find you in the dark?

When I’m marching in those ides of March,

Did I just find what I’m looking for in the dark?

 

26. Dancing 

We are really both the same,

So until God comes to take away our pain,

We will be dancing all night long.

 

Yeah… we are really both the same,

So until God comes to take away our pain,

We will be dancing all night long.

 

Dance like you never danced before,

I want to feel you on the dance room floor,

I want to touch you like you’ve never been touched before,

I want to feel you on the dance room floor,

So dance like you’ve never dance before,

I want to feel you… like you’ve never been insecure,

I want to feel you until you can’t handle anymore,

I want to feel you on the dance room floor,

 

We are really both the same,

So until God comes to take away our pain,

We will be dancing all night long.

 

27. By Your Side 

When the sun rises,

I will be by your side,

When heaven and hell collide,

I will be by your side,

When the world tears up your insides,

I will be by your side,

If you need a place to hide,

I will be by your side,

I will be by your side.

 

Because you are everything,

Even when there is nothing,

Because you are the eye,

When the world is the storm,

Because you are the centre,

When everything is spinning,

And you are the truth,

When nothing else is forgiving,

Because you are everything,

Even when there’s nothing,

Because you are everything,

And the world is storm,

Because you are everything,

Even when everything is spinning,

Because you are everything,

When nothing is forgiving,

Because you are everything,

Because you are everything,

You are everything,

So I’ll be by your side…..

 

So I’ll be by your side,

Because there’s no place I would rather be,

So I’ll be by your side,

Because there’s no place I would rather be,

So I’ll be by your side,

Because there’s no place I would rather be….

Let’s go!

 

Because you’re everything to me!

 

So I’ll be by your side,

Because there’s no place I would rather be,

So I’ll be by your side,

Because there’s no place I would rather be,

So I’ll be by your side….

 

When the world goes to hell,

I will be by your side,

When everything turns to quicksand,

I will be by your side,

When it all is lost,

I will be by your side,

When our utopia turns into a holocaust,

I will be by your side,

I will be by your side.

 

28. Who The Hell is Jill? 

How can I trust anyone?
Anyone but me?

How can I trust anyone?

Anyone but me?

 

Who the hell is Jill?

 

29. Orlando 

Did you have a thought or did a thought have you?

A wise man once asked me under a sky so blue,

Did you have love or did love have you?

He asked me in a whisper with the urgency of a plea,

Then I sat next to him for a minute that felt like a week,

Weak on my knees, taking effort to even blink,

Stumbled over my words like they were cement blocks, tongue tied in the tightest of knots,

I screamed:  “Is all of life in how you perceive?”

 

His nod and his smile combined,

And they blended in with the color the setting sun left behind,

Then a sun began to set inside of me,

I control everything yet nothing,

The sun and the ground at the same time,

All of my life was in my mind.

 

I knew a woman once, but that woman didn’t know me,

Beauty that cannot be described, but thoughts dragged her into captivity,

Beneath the remnants of her inner sea, tied up on a string of coral reefs,

Waves moved through her consistently, but the waves were not of truth or reality,

She made her own misery and she sat in her prison cell,

Begging to be set free,

Yet not realizing that her captivity was of her own making.

 

She threw everyone around her into the sea,

Yet asked them to bring her to shore,

She threw everyone around her into her cell,

Yet always asked us what it was like to be free,

Her reality was in her mind yet it became our reality too,

She drowned and colored the world in her thoughts that were so blue.

 

Did you have thoughts or did your thoughts have you?

I ask myself that every night under the ocean that is under the moon,

Are you in love or do you even have love in you?

I ask myself that under a setting sun that is formless yet new,

I guess I can only feel what I want to feel…..

 

You know it is real,

You know that it is truth,

Because it stings you and cuts you deep,

Yet leaves you feeling totally in control,

A haunting and numbing realization,

Demands your joy and your affirmation,

The truth will fuck you up,

Yet it is only up to you,

The truth is a the sun,

Surrounded by billions of invisible rotating moons,

Darkness and light combined,

Your own world is what you perceive,

What you hold inside.

 

I knew a man once but that man didn’t know me,

He spoke of  love inside a book full of pig-tailed pages,

Preached that love in red letters to people with pig-tailed ears,

Only hearing what they wanted to hear,

They colored a world where love was disguised as fear,

And they fear difference and they feared distance,

Yet they claimed it was love,

And they killed in the name of this love,

And we sat back in fear.

 

And I saw that man in my dreams, more like my nightmares,

I asked him if he really had love inside of him,

He said he loved more than anyone has loved anything,

It is just that his love was fear and his love was violence,

Flashes of people carried out on stretchers, tied to chairs,

The sun had bent to the moon,

Light was taken from the air.

 

And I sat in the darkness,

Wondering how this kind of love spread like a plague,

Like dust in the wind,

An airborne virus the sun couldn’t tame,

They call it their God and their religion,

Killing in his name,

Yet it isn’t love it is just what they classify as love,

I knew then it wasn’t permanent,

That the sun could still rise from mans shadow that had gone to the sky,

That had clouded the above.

 

So I’m here and I’m saying what I think,

I think I love the way things could be,

But that utopia seems so far from reality,

But it starts with recognizing that reality can be our invention,

And that this plague of reality can soon be fiction,

And we will be standing with our thoughts and our love,

The sun breaks out of the sea and overtakes the moon above,

Just our truth and our love,

And we will feel the sting that comes with the first glances of purity,

Will you sit under this sun with me?

Even if it is only darkness ahead of us…

The sun can still be here if you believe it exists,

If you show it to others, tell them it is on their compass,

So sit in this darkness with me,

Speak poisonous truth into the air until the darkness ends up dying,

And the sun will come back from the ashes and greet you and me,

The world is ours,

But first we have to create a world worth keeping.

 

In our speech,

In our mind,

In our love,

In our time….

 

The world is yours,

And the world is mine.

 

Did you have a thought or did a thought have you?

 

30.  Wingless 

Right wing, left wing

Chop them both off, we might be happy,

Flightless and happy

White skin, black skin,

Cut out our eyes, we might be happy,

We might be happy

 

Altruists in rubic cubes, they don’t know what good to do,

Intellectual purgatory not knowing what to believe, just know you can’t see the truth,

Even if it spread itself out with its wings, even if it was the current that drowned you, there is no truth,

But we know history has a cruel mistress named equality, we are trying to fix her all the time,

But how can we make truth see history, if truth is blind?

 

 

Right wing, left wing

Chop them both off, we might be happy,

We might be happy,

White skin, black skin,

Cut out our eyes, we might be happy,

We might be happy

 

Talking heads roll off a guillotine just to be placed on a pulpit again,

We try to tell history but it is on vacation, a two-thousand sixteen year cleanse,

So the heads grasp for power, power that cuts out our minds and cripples our legs,

Talking heads torching cities, placing seventeen year olds in graves,

I just wish sometimes I could run away.

 

Right wing, left wing

Chop them both off, we might be happy,

We might be happy,

White skin, black skin,

Cut out our eyes, we might be happy,

We might be happy.

 

Killer oil fuel the war machines, killer souls fuel my vacant dreams,

Venom mouths fuel the hypocrisy, innocent heads fill the vacant streams

I’ve been blind my whole life, now I am just starting to see,

That most people are the same as me,

Most people just want to be happy.

 

So…..

 

Right wing, left wing

Chop them both off, we might be happy,

We might be happy,

White skin, black skin,

Cut out our eyes, we might be happy,

We might be happy

 

Peace cut in pieces sold to only those who can see,

We are being taught lies, lies we regurgitate in our sleep,

We become the lie, instead of buying the piece of the peace,

Well I want to buy the peace I want it to blind me,

And I can die happy, knowing I saw what was meant to be,

A piece of clarity.

Right wing, left wing

Chop them both off, we might be happy,

We might be happy,

White skin, black skin,

Cut out our eyes, we might be happy,

We might be happy

 

31. Moonlight 

What kind of girl will I be with tonight?

Beneath that moonlight….

I’ll still be howling your name!

What kind of human being will I be tonight…..

A blank slate or a calculated risk?

Oh I’ve never felt so sick.

 

My head and my heart are in separate bunkers, quarantined and diseased, preparing for war,

My head wants me to run away, but my heart says you love that girl, you should stay,

And all that is left is me, looking for a head to write and a heart for my sleeve,

Motionless and dissolving into the sidewalk, like a broken piece of chalk I used to carve are initials in the dark,

Blending in and falling like a piece of bark from an executed tree, my head is slowly returning to me,

And as it comes back, I’m left with a few bitter lines, useless tact,

But then my heart comes back as memories of you and me flood my mind,

The war is over and I want you to be mine.

 

What kind of girl will I be with tonight?

Beneath that moonlight….

I’ll still be howling your name!

What kind of human being will I be tonight…..

A blank slate or a calculated risk?

Oh I’ve never felt so sick.

 

So when fall comes and my heart burns like warm cider,

And all I want is to fall like a leaf into your arms until I expire,

And when winter comes and ice holds hostage my tongue,

All I would want to do is bathe in your beautiful eyes, like embers bathe in a fire,

And when spring spreads like a fever on the earth again, making us sick yet giving us life,

All I want to do is lay inside of you and spread like a disease throughout you all night,

And when summer comes and melts the moon in half,

I’ll admit that all I ever wanted was to love you to the moon and back.

 

What kind of girl will I be with tonight?

Beneath that moonlight….

I’ll still be howling your name!

What kind of human being will I be tonight…..

A blank slate or a calculated risk?

Oh I’ve never felt so sick.

 

And I remember when I told you oh so clearly,

There’s no place I’d rather be then the places you were with me,

I would go to the moon and back, even if I had jet lag, even if the moon was covered in thumbtacks,

I would crawl into the wirings of your mind get electrocuted like a fenced dog until you knew you were mine,

I would change forms and be a yelping dog if I got to sit inside of your perfect arms,

I would pound the earth for an early worm, if I knew I could find an embrace of yours beneath that cold dirt that was warm,

But when I told you, baby,

You just said “that’s so cute!”…. but we all knew…

That there’s no place you would rather be then any place that was without me,

Places where you would let the blood from your head paralyze the movement of your feet,

Places where you would let the fear of your life make you hide your head beneath your sheets,

Places where you would exchange love and happiness for fear and grief,

So throw your arms out and make sure I’m so far away,

A restraining order from the angel I was in love with,

You punished me for giving you light with indifference,

With so much dark.

 

What kind of girl will I be with tonight?

Beneath that moonlight….

I’ll still be howling your name!

What kind of human being will I be tonight…..

A blank slate or a calculated risk?

Oh I’ve never felt so sick.

 

Burnt out like a film strip, sick of spending days worried and nights dreaming of your hips,

Sick like all of the sunny days, when the crops below so desperately needed the rain,

On acid like the crooked rain, I’ll take ten doses of your voice and try to insert it into my veins,

Because then at least you will be here, so far yet so near, a subconscious romance, no more fear,

I’m shaking yet standing tall, like a lighthouse in a hurricane, I’ll crash into your ocean below,

Break into a million pieces, but you’ll just search for my encouragement and my light,

Scream “Blair, why are you dying? I needed you tonight!”

 

What kind of girl will I be with tonight?

Beneath that moonlight….

I’ll still be howling your name!

What kind of human being will I be tonight…..

A blank slate or a calculated risk?

Oh I’ve never felt so sick.

 

You talk about those other men so gleefully,

The way they touched you, the way they set you free,

You talk about me like an obituary,

Every word an ode to your joyful self I left like a rabid animal on the side of the road,

Desolate and dying,

And I know I should have never admitted I felt for you, I know I should have let every feeling be misconstrued,

I know I should have never told you how much I loved you,

Because you wanted a man,

And that’s something I could never be,

I was too in love with you to ignore you,

There were too many infinities in your smiles, it was impossible not to adore you,

Your laughter shook skyscrapers, it was impossible not to want to tickle your side,

Your body was in itself a song, from your breast to your sweaty palms,

It was impossible not to want to sing to you,

Your eyes dripped toxic wet water,

I was drunk on you all the time

But that’s not how love actually works, that’s not in loves plan,

Love doesn’t require fucking affection,

It requires you to be an indifferent man,

And to act in scorn anytime she goes out with someone new,

To bring her down when she is singing the gospel into a refrain of the blues,

To constantly make her feel indebted to you,

To never show love and to only give the impression that someone isn’t enough,

Love requires you to never give a flying fuck,

And that painful indifference will somehow give you a lifetime of importance and significance,

The key to love isn’t to hold someone,

It is to keep your fucking distance.

 

What kind of girl will I be with tonight?

Beneath that moonlight….

I’ll still be howling your name!

What kind of human being will I be tonight…..

A blank slate or a calculated risk?

Oh I’ve never felt so sick.

 

And it makes me sick…. but god damnit if I’m not part of it,

When you were in trouble I stitched scarlet letters on you,

Blamed you and maimed you like they trained me to do,

When you were joyful I didn’t share, I just nodded and hummed selfishly,

I somehow thought your song wasn’t as beautiful if it wasn’t with me,

And when you talked like you were so free,

I tied you up and said “let’s not talk about that, baby!”

I’m a fraud you thought was a God,

Write false lines about your thighs,

I went to the moon and back for you, but then I lied about what I saw in the sky,

So how could you trust someone like me?

I’m the worst kind of person,

Someone who realizes they are wrong,

But acts on their own impulses selfishly,

And I hope you find someone who combines, the appropriate combination of distant and kind,

And then I will listen about your new love, how he is the opposite of me,

And I will pretend I’m happy,

But I’ll be crying myself to sleep,

Yeah I’ll pretend, I’m happy yet know I’m sad because I’m leaving,

Like an astronaut who wanted to see the moon but only got Mercury’s poisoning.

 

What kind of girl will I be with tonight?

Beneath that moonlight….

I’ll still be howling your name!

What kind of human being will I be tonight…..

A blank slate or a calculated risk?

Oh I’ve never felt so sick.

 

And I still search through the archives for the places where our trains of thoughts collided,

Coal and ash spread up in the air, scattering centuries of our poison cares,

And centuries of poisoned hierarchies and modes of thought, little tangled brain wires that caused holocausts,

They swam like a current in my lungs, I breathed them in the air,

Then blamed you for not having hierarchies,

When I was the one poisoning your everywhere,

So hold on to this song like it is a red letter Psalm,

I knew it all along,

I loved you,

But my train of thought has always been wrong,

Derailed at the sight of false light,

I was wrong, darling,

And you were right.

32. There’s Nothing Wrong With Being Happy 

There’s nothing wrong…..

This time is wasted on me, clocks vomit when they strike against my needle pricked and abused skin,
And alarms sound anytime my whiskey breath spews toxins in the air, drunken the wind into a seductive stare with a withering tree,
And time is hungover in the clouds when it meets my rotten teeth, hungover for centuries and centuries,
Time cannot get itself back from all my drunken wit and tact,
Rolling back over into centuries again and again,
Time looks it me and says: “Man hasn’t changed, he is what he has always been!”

There’s nothing wrong with…..

And our thoughts are all prey to the same food chain that puts us in the same chains,
We try to break free by putting ourselves in more chains or pouring ourselves another drink,
We are eagles who guide our prey into the sea,
But instead of being content with eating our prey we suffocate them in the coral reef,
Criticize their inferiority and fill the ocean with oil and rotten seeds,
Still hungover in the same drunken cloud with centuries,
Our mouths release toxic waste and we call it a new epiphany

There’s nothing wrong….

And our toxic mouths pollute the air, pollute humanity, pollute those who might actually care,
Still trying to rationalize inferiority, still casting stones with specks in our eyes,
Blindly and drunkingly stumbling in an illogical foot race up a ladder with no end,
Until we make it up to the sun and it burns us for polluting its air with its darkness,
Well the sun will get revenge…..
Yeah!
The sun always gets revenge……
But those people who share their drugs and their toxic mouths with time are not going down without a fucking fight,
So lets put more specks in their eyes until we can only see light……

There’s nothing wrong with being……

So they will transport in a triangular trade all the rainbow covered people they say cannot be saved,
Put them in a cage and starve to them to death, have them scream in those flamboyant voices for non-flamboyant health,
And I will following them and they will either starve me or throw me in the sea,
Choking on a male fish and some coral reef,
I’ll gleefully drown in this pitiful sea if they see there’s nothing wrong with being happy

There’s nothing wrong with being happy!
There’s a corner around this corner where will be free,
Playing jingo with the jingoistic brains until their wires get their much need re-setting
Playing Scrabble with the scatterbrain until their defects are finally corrected and their mush is aligned,
Playing chess with those who want to put bullets in our chest until they cannot help but smile and see…..
There’s nothing wrong with being happy!

There’s nothing wrong with being happy….
Time is sobering up again,
Erasing centuries of jumbled words from our air of sin,
Burning bridges made in blood and throwing water on the people in the below,
When all the wreckage clears there’s only a rainbow….

So they will transport in a triangular trade all the rainbow covered people they say cannot be saved,
Put them in a cage and starve to them to death, have them scream in those flamboyant voices for non-flamboyant health,
And I will following them and they will either starve me or throw me in the sea,
Choking on a male fish and some coral reef,
I’ll gleefully drown in this pitiful sea if they see there’s nothing wrong with being happy

There’s nothing wrong with being happy

 

33. Jennifer 

You can buy my spirit- but it ain’t free

She drives her whistle into the back seat,

You can buy my will- but it ain’t free,

The sunshine covers the freeway and burns off her feet

 

“We have no where to go but everywhere,” her whisper sounded like a symphony,

And I could hear trumpets colliding with guitars in the background, every breath sounded like a cruel epiphany,

She taught me how to be here and she taught me why I had to go,

Saying “everywhere is somewhere, but if you stay here with me you’ll never know”

 

You can buy my spirit- but it ain’t free,

I’ve got that stock market spirit- but I ain’t ever crashing,

You can buy my will- but it ain’t free,

I’ve got that Garden of Eden will- oh that restricted freedom that is never lasting

 

Oh her spirit was a market and her will was a garden,

But her soul was a levee- flooding cities one street at a time,

And her time was money- her silver dollar smile sunk into the slime,

And as those people were baptized- we watched spirit, will, soul, and time collide,

I’ll never forget that Jennifer- when the symphony of your smile taught me how to be alive

 

You can buy my time- but it ain’t free,

I’ve got to make my own time- got to have my own currency,

You can buy my heart- but it ain’t free,

Oh you’ll have to drown in love before I can teach you how to breathe

 

She had a heart in the shape of a smile,

Oh Jennifer will you stay for a while?

She had a smile in a shape of a heart,

Oh Jennifer if you leave me I will fall apart

She had a body shaped like the most unique snowflake,

Oh Jennifer will you stay with me forever- can this be our fate?

She had a snowflake that looked like the marketplace- alive yet dead,

And I knew that Jennifer’s market was heaven- the heaven where I could never rest my head.

 

You can buy my time anytime you want,

You can buy my spirit anytime you want,

You can buy my soul anytime you want,

You can buy my heart anytime you want,

I just pray it is my head you don’t haunt,

I just pray it is my head you don’t haunt.

 

34. All The Time 

God’s whisper of wind sets trees in crooked unison with the tallest buildings,
The buildings look emotional yet reckless, a synopsis of what everyone is feeling,
Because everyone is feeling pretty, huge, and tired, like skyscrapers built out of one of our brains wires,
And the wire turns into a mirror that used to help us see what the world is supposedly missing,
Now we have the world at our fingertips, the therapeutical mirror means absolutely nothing.

I know I am supposed to see the world as a product of my mind,
I know I am supposed to see myself as a product of my time,
I know the buildings and drugs are supposed to help me see this through,
But even though I want to see it all, I only see you.

And I know everything is replaceable with time,
The car used to be the map, the television used to be the gunpowder, and the computer used to be the mind,
But I guess I want to be a map that gets you to where you need to be, the gunpowder that protects you from the thieves,what is in your mind that keeps you from your sleep,
But instead of your ammunition, I am the algorithm that sets off your phone,
Instead of being your map, I am the reason you want to go home,
And instead of being the reason you cannot sleep, I am the reason you sleep alone.

And I know I am supposed to see the world as the mountain I have to climb,
I know I am supposed to see myself as the reason for the existence of the divine,
I know I am supposed to see myself as the fire that burns the whole world through,
But even though I want to see it all, I only see you

I would give anything I am able,
(I would take the bullet and store it inside my heart,
I would take my heart and store it inside my mind,
So I would just follow you all the time
I would take the rose and turn it into a rosary,
I would take my past and leave it buried,
I would make the afterlife non fiction,
If love was a chemical condition,
I would give my soul out like a food on a party table)
If it meant I wasn’t replaceable

I am not a map,
I am not a bullet,
I am not a mind,
I am all three,
All the time.

35.  Blood 

They used to have chains now they just have business chains,

They used to have guillotines now they just have wasps and mush born in their brains,

They used to have faulty science now they just claim that anyone who is suffering is just invisible,

A poison drink for anyone who uses evidence to conclude and think, we are post-everything,

Invisible roots form invisible trees that swallow generations of people when they are least expecting,

And they are spit out as roots and bark, then we step on them and wonder why they don’t have “that spark,”

And the weeping willow soil below grows more chains that are even more invisible,

And like cogs in a factory machine, our whitened teeth smile and our souls glean,

We used to have slavery and whips now we have ignorance that this slavery still exists,

We used to at least be aware,

But 1856 much like 2016,

We still have blood on the fucking cement.


 

Raised into thinking these structures and these hierarchies are innate,

Adam had to go work in the factory, while evil Eve breastfed that satanic snake,

Raised into thinking those who cry must want something more than a hug,

We will have our posters of Jesus eating Apple Pies and claim everyone has an equal shot at love,

Quoting patriarchal scriptures on pulpits made of the most docile glass,

We will wonder why victims can’t speak up when we force-feed them rhetorical nitrous gas,

And when you ask us about the bodies falling like bark from these broken trees,

We will scream like we have experienced all of the world’s suffering,

And say “Why do you keep talking about the past, baby?”

Giving chloroform to anyone who speaks any one of the truths many forms,

Claiming this is the greatest generation, it might just be the least aware,

It’s like if you don’t recognize suffering and pretend things are perfect you are heaven sent,

But 4000 BC with Adam like 2016 with Donald, again and again,

There’s still blood on the fucking cement.


 

As graves take trains and try to fly towards that infinite sun,

Just so they can cover the light and let them know that darkness has won,

And so with their steam they can pollute the air and silence those who have been so unaware,

They will have nooses and bruises covering their necks, blood pours out from the heavens and the sky,

And they’ll be blood on the fucking cement, but at least we will be able to see our lies,

And they’ll be blood on the cement,

But at least there will finally be blood on our hands at the same time.


 

Now there’s supposedly another dimension where time takes drugs and the events encompassing life are just fiction,

So I will try to fly away on my own trains, I will put a needle of my memories in a clocks veins,

And maybe time will pass faster and a solution to this slavery will become so clear,

And I will see the heavenly dimension of life meet with the satanic dimensions of earth,

And it won’t be invisible and there will be nothing to fear,

But when these dimensions meet, a handshake will turn into a nuclear war,

As new doors open, neurological sores will be exposed and set to detonate

Heaven will explode into the crevices and the fabrics of every inch of the earth,

Exploding the cement,

There’s just blood on the dirt.

 

36. Dream 

Now that my time isn’t occupied, I am out looking for lost time,

Putting pictures of clocks on milk cartons with a description my fantasy, my 2% and Vitamin D filled bliss,

Stapling flyers to the fences I’ve always wanted to climb, so preoccupied with this lost time,

But I am just losing more and more all of the time

 

Checking the flight schedules, so I can at least see time “fly by,”

Maybe I will hijack the flight with a time bomb, some anthrax or some napalm,

And then I can stop time, crash it, and cut off its wings,

Taking it to the emergency room and report it dead at the same time I started living,

At the same time I started living.

 

A new world that’s all for me…..

The deserted islands bring sand to write in, waves to listen to, and swaying trees to stare at to the desolate beach of my body,

I employee the flowers to be in bloom, pay them a fair wage in water, and never work them overtime,

Rotate my skinny legs around the sun to create the night,

 

The whole world is mine,

Dancing with my shadow, just so happy to see myself twice,

 

The whole world is mine,
Buying time shares in the markets I create, sharing my time with every open inch of space,

 

The whole world is mine,

Tying up the planets, making the milky way a shoelace,

 

The whole world is mine.

 

And you know they say: “you can either be in love or be free!”

But they never say the freedom that comes when you are in love with everything,

Creating memories that never have to stay in the past,

A new life is what we have at last,

My arms are thin and shaped like pearly gates,

Million of angels breed just to have this fate,

Running from time and into eternity,

It isn’t love or freedom,

It is just a dream,

It is just a dream.

 

37. It’s Cool We Can Still Be Friends 

You don’t talk to me the way you used to,

Just a casual hello followed by a harsh goodbye,

You don’t touch me the way you wanted to,

You don’t even talk about it…

You just stare at the sky.

 

You don’t miss me the way you longed to,

It’s okay… I guess you have other things to fill up your time.

 

And every day just passes by…

A different version of the last…

And you get quiet when I want loud,

It feels like the end…..

But it’s cool we can still be friends,

Yeah….

It’s cool we can still be friends.

 

You don’t need me like you did before,

Anytime I offer my advice you just close the door,

You don’t laugh with me like you did yesterday,

I guess I’m just immature… Got to grow up in every way,

You don’t sing when I hum,

We even quit drinking rum.

 

And second it just circles my head,

And every minute I just wish I was dead,

I feel a connection and you feel a separation,

It feels like the end….

But it’s cool we still be friends.

 

Yeah…

 

I hide under covers,

It’s funny because you used to be warmth,

I skate down highways,

It’s funny because your beauty used to be the only thing that could make me freeze,

I cry when I watch movies,

I guess everything it just reminds me of you.

 

You promised me so many different things,

You promised me one day we could be,

But I guess you can’t be in love twice,

I guess I’ll never be as good as the other guys,

I’m just a means without an end,

Your disgusting fiend,

But It’s cool we can still be friends,

Yeah…

It’s cool we can still be friends.

 

38.  Hallucination 

Here I lay… bleeding pen in the tangled in a knot against my bleeding skin,

Dreaming of your beautiful skin, my most wonderful hallucination,

But all I can do is dream now, all I can do is bleed now,

Send you this song and hope it can make you smile.

Here I sit, smoking and dreaming of the smoke that like a halo surrounded your head,

Dreaming of the words that came from your mouth, the soothing prescriptions for all my days ahead,

And the way your stories filled the air and combined with the smoke,

Like fireworks that had never been lit,

Like all of my unfilled dreams and hopes.

Here I stand, running in place and hoping that I end up flying towards you,

To regain your trust to expose all your hidden virtues,

To lay in the black with you and talk until we blackout,

To prove to you that you are more than a number or a blackhole,

To prove to you that you deserve no doubt.

But I’m doubting,

That I’ll ever see your face again,

That I’ll ever share one of those laughs,

That you’ll just be my sweet hallucinogen,

All I want to do is hear your voice,

Light as a feather and fully-clothed,

All I want to do is kill time with you,

But that time is a fugitive,

Running away with you to places I will never know,

How do I get it back?

The sunshine is perpendicular to your back,

Your shadow is summoned down to me,

I still see you in  everything,

And your voice plays like a record you never had in my brain,

Tries to draw me near to you,

But I know I would only bring pain.

So here I sit, wondering whether I should share this with you,

Would you jump into my arms or would you bury it next to your perfumes?

I’ve never met anyone like you and I probably never will again,

But here I sit,

Knowing that from now on you’ll probably be only a figment of my imagination.

I haven’t known you long but I’ve always known you.

 

 

39. Modern Man 

I will only swallow my pride if it was made in Thailand, does that make me a modern man?

I will only bite my tongue if it is covered in factory flan, does that make a modern man?

I will only be my brother’s keeper if he is kept in a can, does that make me a modern man?

I will only let my loose lips sink ships if the ship is on someone else’s land, does that make me a modern man?

I will only follow the golden rule if it will put a golden robe in my hands, does that make me a modern man?
I will only air my dirty laundry if it was cleaned by someone in Khazastain, does that make me a modern man?

I will only look on the bright side if someone tells me to move my eyes, does that make me a modern man?

I will only have bad blood if I can’t sell my blood, does that make me a modern man?

I will only tempt fate if she will open her legs, does that make me a modern man?

 

I will exchange both my eyes and both my teeth for a golden thigh and a golden reef,

I will fire on all cylinders if triangles start to threaten me,

I will be a glutton for punishment if punishment helps the economy,

I will bake my ideas to 350 degrees, burn any semblance of my creativity,

I will get out of my Dodge only if someone is in desperate need,

I will never know where I stand and I will only be alert if I am sitting in the wrong quicksand,
Does that make me a modern man?

Or does it make me like everyone else I see?

Streets of zombies not knowing they are zombies,

Sucking factory blood to quench thirst, filling up with oil for rebirth,

Walking into trees they tear down with their gowns, thinking of the Chinese in factories to turn their frowns upside down,

A cog in a machine that they themselves made,

It’s tough to know whether you are master or slave………..

(Or does it make me like everyone I see?)

Enslaved and enslaving with the whip of modernity,

The earth is the plantation we own yet we are invisibly indebted to,

It’s been that way forever,

When the chorus of history repeats itself, we call it gospel instead of the blues

 

I have no bones that are healthy without someone I don’t see laboring, does that make me a modern man?

I’ll take two painkillers and forget to tango, does that make a modern man?

When I can’t stomach something I will put Ketchup on them, does that make me a modern man?
When I can’t feel my spine, I will order a new one online, does that make me a modern man?

When my tongue is tied, I see a specialist and pay a hefty fine, does that make me a modern man?

When my wife has a baby I hope there’s no kid and just an eight pound pile of money, does that make me a modern man?

I’ll fry my brain if it changes the way people look at me, does that make me a modern man?

I will rain on a parade if the flood brings me a new parade, does that make me a modern man?

I will be as sick as a dog if I can make this a dog eat dog world, does that make me a modern man?

I will swim with the sharks if they will give me a loan for a boat, does that make me a modern man?

I will be a virgin on prom night, if it means I get another prom, does that make me a modern man?

I will be raised by the wolves if humans don’t quite understand (me), does that make me a modern man?

 

I will sink my teeth into anything if my body will swim,

I will trade my arms if it means one of my cars doesn’t need registration,

I will jump to heaven on a trampoline if I can see you out of those jeans,

I will put a neuce around my neck so I can tell my friends I got felt up,

I will do anything to make you feel like my existence is enough,

Does that make me a modern man?
Or does it make me like everyone else?
Hands made in China, feet made from a Canada lab,

Everything that has ever existed has existed to satisfy me,

But I just can’t keep thinking of the end to all these means,

A modern man with modern plans, is it sick that I kind of love it?

The chase to a top of a mountain just to fall off a cliff,

The chase to profit in little digital chips,

They will build me up and break me down,

Kill me like a dog in a pound,

And I will yelp and claim that it was all pure,

And my obituary will say…..

“He was a modern man, that’s for sure”

 

I’m a modern man,

(God damned)

God damned I am,

A modern man.

 

 

 

40. In The End 

In the end,

We are who we’ve always been,

In the end,

We end where we begin,

In the beginning,

We are who are going to be,

In the beginning,

It is all up to destiny,

In the end,

We are who always are,

In the end,

We are all scars.

 

But I don’t want it to end,

But I don’t want this to end,

Yeah, this will never end…..

 

In the end….

Am I even with you?

Am I even with you?

Is what they say the truth?

In the end….

Is what they say true?

Am I even with you?

 

In the end,

We are who we always are,

In the end,

We are who we’ve always been,

In the end,

We are a blank canvass with no painting,

In the end,

We are just a hallucination,

In the end,

We are who we have always been,

In the end,

I will love you to the end,

In the end,

We are who we always are,

In the end,

We are a summarization of our scars.

 

In the end,

We are just a collection of bones and skin,

In the end,

We are fodder for fish, a hallucination,

In the end,

We end up where we begin,

In the end,

Do I end up with you?

Do I end up where I begin?

In the end,

Things don’t really change,

In the end,

They just really become deranged,

In the end,

Do I end up with you?

In the end,

Is this life of any virtue?

In the end,

Do we ever really know what to do?

 

But you know in the end I’ll be there with you,

No matter what we go through,

You know in the end I’ll be with you,

Until I turn blue,

You know in the end… I’ll be there for you,

No matter what we go through,

You know in the end…. I’ll be there for you,

Until I’m broken and bruised,

You know in the end… I’ll be there for you,

Until I’m rotting away and used,

You know in the end… I’ll be there for you,

Want to be there for everything you go through,

You know in the end… I’ll be there for you,

It is the least I can do,

You know in the end…. I’ll be there for you,

Because I love you.

 

 

Because I love you.

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