Control

Here I sit overthinking all the time I’ve spent sitting down and overthinking,
Here I lie regretting all the time I’ve spent regretting not lying down with you,
Here I stress about all the times I’ve stressed about the things I can’t control,
Here I dream of a time where I can control,
All the stress, regret, and overthinking,
It’s out of control.

All these spiraling variables,
They don’t exist yet they always do,
Your anxiety is a plague,
The only medicine is what is plaguing you,
And what is in your control,
Is that you need to be out of control,
And what is in your control,
Is knowing you have no control.

It’s out of control

So you emphasize what you can control,
You haven’t ate in weeks,
You’re shaking like a leaf,
But you feel so full….
And then all you do is eat,
For weeks and weeks and weeks.
And you’re still hungry for more.

And all the things you want to change,
They don’t change a thing,
All they are is loose change,
Fighting in the rain for a spot on solid ground,
Spinning around and around hoping someone will use them for currency,
When someone finally sees them,
They’ve already drowned,
Spiraling to their death; out of control,
Am I that penny?
Have I spiraled out of control?

Everything is contradicting itself yet logical,
Like how I love you and resent you,
I’m hungry yet full,
Like how everything I control,
Is out of my control.

It’s out of control.

Spiraling down a rabbit hole with my rabbits ear,
I realize everything I love is still everything I fear,
And I know it to be true,
But it still hurts to hear,
How what is in your control,
Can be so out of your control,
It leaves you wanting to run and scream,
But silent and still.

It’s out of control.

Here I lay depressed about all the time I’ve spent depressed,
Here I stand angry about all the times I couldn’t stand how angry I was,
Here I sit wondering about all the times I’ve spent wondering,
Here I control everything,
But absolutely nothing.

It’s out of control.

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