7/12/2017

July 12th 2017,
Another anniversary,
But I can’t bear the pain of that day,
When we walked around the park,
A year later we kissed where we first met,
Now on July 12,
My heart is scarred,
All I can do,
Is wonder where you are.

I hope you’re doing okay,
I’ve been tempted to write you for months,
I start to type and then I start to cry,
But when I think of how happy you are,
I begin to smile and swell with pride.

July 12th,
I can’t bear,
So we celebrate on the 10th,
Her head is somewhere in the clouds,
She’s not listening to one word I say,
It doesn’t matter,
Inevitably everything drifts away.

Her mind in the clouds,
My mind in my drink,
Drunk on old dopamine,
I think about you,
And I think about how fucked up it is,
That no one speaks,
Once love ends.

Because you are the only one who knows me,
I was vulnerable only for you,
You are the only one who knows me,
I’ve had sex,
But I’ve only made love to you.

But my chest swells with pride,
I know you’re doing better without me in your life,
And my secrets you unfairly had to bear,
I hope there’s something better for you out there.

Now I just think about…..

Why does everything have to end completely?
Why does love turn into envy?
Why was I so vulnerable?
Would you have loved me if I wasn’t vulnerable?
Why is it so hard to be vulnerable?

July 12,
And I decided to take a night off from everything,
My phone has rang at least thirty times,
She needs my love,
I just need to think about….

Why does everything have to end completely?
Why does love turn into envy?
Why was I so vulnerable?
Would you have loved me if I wasn’t vulnerable?
Why is it so hard to be vulnerable?

July 14,
And I’m finishing this song,
And I wish you could still hear my songs,
Very beautiful instrumentally,
And I barely scream,
Maybe I’ll record this one too,
You’ll never hear it,
Unless someone shows it to you.

July 14th,
My girlfriend sends a text to me,
Says we need to talk tomorrow,
I already know what that means,
But I won’t cry and I won’t ball,
I’m not vulnerable at all.

July 12th…..

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